Tuesday, August 01, 2006

If you have been reading this blog faithfully, but still aren't sure if you are a dyke or not, here is a questionnaire to help you determine your Lesbian Status. Now, look deep within yourself and be brutally honest, its better to know now, than to find out after you are married and have eight kids (although better late than never). And, by the way, if you DO discover from taking this quiz, that yes, you have gained admittance into the ultra-exclusive Queer Society, I am the one to put down as recruiter, although I didn't physically recruit you, I am responsible for your new Lesbian Status. (And please say that yes, you will be out, because I really need a new food processor). Thank you in advance for your cooperation.


At 5:56 AM, Blogger Conor J. Murphy said...

I want you to know that I took the quiz and it turns out I'm not a lesbian, however, there is a glimmer of hope. The quiz suggested that I am perhaps just a repressed lesbian, I better go experiment w/ the other gals in the typing pool.

At 10:47 PM, Blogger The dykes next door said...

Damn! And I really need that food processor. You know, we are NEVER going to be able to destroy heterosexual marriage if we don't all get busy. Note to all queers out there: Come on, get busy! Do your part! If we work together, we can do it! The DOMA must fail! You see, I'm always dedicated to the cause. (And the promise of new appliances) And Conor, I hope your experiments go well!

At 8:28 PM, Blogger getalife said...

Close but no cuisinart!


Hopelessly Heterosexual

At 9:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I failed the test. this is what popped up upon answering question 1...

You are a lesbian. Well, sort of. A lesbian trapped in a hairy, dangly man s body. You must be a lesbian because you love lesbians. Especially the ones with blonde hair and big plastic boobies who star in films called things like Lady-Lovin -Clit-Lickin -Muff-Puppies.

You know that all lesbians really need is the love of a good man and hey - you're just the man to give it to them!

Unfortunately, most lesbians would rather sew up their own vaginas than take you up on your offer.

Keep trying though.

but then I proceeded with the questionnaire...and i still failed. miserably.

At 10:04 PM, Blogger The dykes next door said...

Yeah, I know those lesbians. They are the ones with the long (and extremely dangerous) brightly painted fingernails. The ones that come close to breaking their necks trying to tilt their heads so that you can see exactly where their tongues are in relation to the other "lesbian". Once, a man (ok, my husband) asked me to masturbate for him. I asked him if he wanted it the way they do it in the movies (which will get you pretty much nowhere, pleasure-wise) or the real way, which isn't that much to watch. Porn is always good for a few laughs! But hey, thanks for trying! Damn! I guess I'll just have to manage without that Cuisinart!


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