Friday, August 18, 2006

I’ve been thinking about our son a lot recently, probably because he has a birthday very soon. You know, the right wingers seem to think that we are not good influences on our children. Are they right? Are we corrupting our children, screwing them up so much that they will never have happy, satisfying lives? I can’t speak about all children. The only one I know very well is my own son. He was 15 when I came out to him. He didn’t blink an eye. He knew my (now) wife because she had been staying with us quite a bit, and after a few months, I decided that I should tell him. I’m sure that he would have figured it out sooner or later, but we were tired of sneaking kisses and holding hands when he wasn’t in the room. His response was, “Oh, ok”. When I told him that we wanted to get married, but it wouldn’t be legal here in Louisiana, he asked us where it WOULD be legal. At that time, Vermont was the only place even offering civil unions, and that’s what I told him. He said, “Let’s take a road trip to Vermont”. Now, I knew that I had raised him to be a good feminist and good Democrat. He helped me work for Bill Clinton in the 1992 presidential campaign (when he was six years old), and again in 1996, and he has helped me with many other Democratic political campaigns for local, state and national offices during the years. He and I are what we call “yellow dog democrats” down here in the south. He has helped me with National Organization for Women rallies and protests, and he even sat with me at the NOW booth at the Ouachita Parish Fair. We have watched the news together, fussed at the TV and analyzed the propaganda. He refuses to look at anything that portrays women as sexual objects (such as beauty contests and certain well-known underwear commercials). In fact, once I was watching the Miss USA Pageant, because it was held here in Shreveport, and I wanted to see the little mini-commercials about our city. He came into the room, took one look, and said, “I can’t believe that you are watching something that treats women like objects”. Some kid, huh? So, I knew that I had raised him to be open-minded and non-judgemental. Why would he be anything other than accepting of me and my relationship with my (now) wife? But it’s different in theory than in real life. In real life, it’s kind of scary. What if he got upset? What would we do? I had already subjected him to a divorce, turned his world upside down, and moved him 100 miles away from his father and grandparents. And now, I’m telling him that I’m a lesbian, I’m in love with another woman, and the three of us are going to be a family. And all he said was “Oh, ok”. And wanted to go with us to get legally civil unioned. In the 5 years since this conversation, my wife has taught him to drive, taught him to cook and taught him to work for his allowance. His grades were less than desirable in middle school and ninth grade (my wife and I met the summer after his freshman year). Three years later, he graduated in a liberal arts magnet program from a top high school here in Shreveport, with honors (and a 3.9 average). He is a junior in college now, on a scholarship, majoring in psychology, and has been on the Chancellor’s List for all but one semester. He does not drink, smoke or take drugs. Everyone mentions his excellent manners, and caring ways. So, even though I can’t speak for any other children, I don’t think that being raised by lesbians has hurt our son at all. Now, I do have to add that he occasionally calls my wife the “stepmother of dark destruction”, and there is an occasional grumble about some assigned task that she has given him. But he loves her and she loves him. We are a happy family. The only drawback that I can foresee is that our son will probably never be able to enjoy the # 1 male fantasy…..yes, the lesbian fantasy. I have never talked to him about it (and never will, ewwww), but I would think that might be a little difficult for him to think about (my moms…ewwww). But hey, if that’s the only harm that we have done, he’ll just have to find another fantasy.
We love you son! Happy Birthday!


At 4:01 AM, Blogger GoGo said...

What a wonderful disclosure about raising your son. You can tell you love him very much. I find most people who assume because your queer your corrupting kids, have no sense of reality in many other areas too...which is a nice way of saying they are full of

In my fam, I have a little brother who my parents insist cannot know I am a lesbian. I've told them for years now, to hide a part of me is not protection, its taking away an opportunity for him to grow. But what can you do.

Sounds like you raised a good kid with love.

At 2:16 PM, Blogger Rose of Sharon said...

Happy birthday!

You have definitely raised a wonderful kid. You really wonder sometimes how others perceive you and you just really never know until you ask. It's good to know that there is at least one male among our midst who does not objectify women and who respects his lesbian moms.

GoGo, my parents insisted on not telling my brother I'm gay either. He knows now, but funny how he hasn't even bothered to call yet. Perhaps they were right not to tell him!

At 4:35 PM, Blogger The dykes next door said...

Thank you! I'll be perfectly honest. When I was pregnant with Ian, I wanted a girl. I wanted a girl that I could teach all the things that girls need to know in this world. But instead, I had a boy. Now, I realize that having a boy was the best thing that could have happened, because I know that there is at least one man out there who respects women and who will be a good husband and a good father. I'm proud of him.

At 1:01 PM, Blogger cozmic said...

Hey, happy birthday to your son Ian, he sounds real true. Having had 3 sons myself, I can tell you not to worry about the fantasy thing, they will fantasise over lots of things, not just the lesbian thing. This is a male thing. My sons have also grown up to respect women, they have two sisters who made sure of that. LOL. cozmic


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