Is this sexy? Or is it just a male fantasy? After having posted the Dove Real Beauty video, I was thinking about the whole "beauty" thing. One of the extremely wonderful things about being married to another woman is that for the most part, lesbians don't buy into the whole "male idea of beauty". My wife tells me that her ex-husband constantly complained that she didn't dress "sexy" enough, wanted her to wear the Victoria's Secret type underwear, complained that she didn't wear makeup and wanted her to be "more feminine". My experience was somewhat the same. My ex-husband bought me corsets, thongs, other "sexy" lingere, and complained when I didn't wear them around the house. You know, cleaning the kitchen and washing clothes are perfect times to wear a see through camisole and matching thong. He begged me to wear low cut clothing, to show off my (then) perky breasts. As you know, I wear makeup (OK, I fell back onto the makeup wagon-but that's another story). But for my ex-husband, my understated makeup was just not enough for him. He took me to cosmetic counters to get "made over", but I always left feeling that I looked like a... um, let's just say not like a person making a living during the daylight hours. Now, before you read this next part, I have to state that I am in no way the Lesbian Authority on Appearance. I am just a normal everyday lesbian who likes to observe and study other people. That said, I must say that, like straight people, yes, lesbians do care what other women look like. Most of us have a "type" that we tend to look at with more lust than others. For instance, take the L word...Shane is the main object of lust on that show. But, there are others who prefer the other characters, although I must say that I have never met anyone who liked Jenny. I'm not sure if that is because of her looks or her character's personality. But I believe that I can safely say that Shane is the favorite character, as far as appearance goes. (Sorry, I digressed.) But, I venture to say that lesbians don't limit their relationships to women that fit a certain type of attractiveness. Being the "type" that someone is attracted to might catch their attention, but I believe that for most lesbians, our relationships are forged on a much deeper level. My wife and I are soulmates. We connect on a level that I don't believe you can ever have with a man. Not because men are "bad". But because men are just different from women. They don't have the same thoughts, the same experiences, the same needs. I read somewhere (and I have been looking on the internet to find this study again, but haven't been able to locate it) that one of men's top 2-3 priorities in life is having an "attractive" wife. What this is saying is that men are defined by their wife's attractiveness to other men. How shallow/crazy is that? Now, let me say that I know that every man (or woman) is not the same, and this does not apply to all men, but the fact that it is one of the top 2-3 priorities in this study tells you that it IS an extremely important thing to a LOT of men. But back to the issue at hand. My wife is beautiful to me, and she tells me that I am beautiful to her. My weight increase, issues with letting my hair grow out again, and a rogue pimple every now and then do not diminish her love for me. My ex-husband would have me at Weight Watchers, with a new hairstylist and to a dermatologist right away. AND, he would have used the fact that to him, I was losing my attractiveness, as a rationale for cheating on me. See the difference? Again, I don't think that ALL men are like this. I'm sure that there are some decent men out there somewhere. There have to be. I just have not seen (or heard of) very many of them. And to be fair, there are lesbians who are manipulative, who cheat on their girlfriends, and who are just as abusive as men. We are not perfect by far. Nobody is, gay or straight. But I do feel sorry for women who have to worry, as they get older, how they will cope with the physical changes, wrinkles, age spots, body parts that have experienced the effects of gravity, weight increases, and gray hair. The ones that constantly worry that their mate will be looking for someone younger, thinner, prettier. And I am blissfully thankful that my wife will never try to put me in skimpy lingere and ridiculous clothing, but instead cherish me and the changes that my body goes through as we grow old together. Just as I will cherish her in the same way. And that's real beauty.
This blog is about our life....two dykes, a mortgage, dogs, cats, turtles, lizards, a son, gardens, friends, jobs, and all of the things that go into our "alternative lifestyle". We are the dykes next door, the ones who live in your neighborhood, mow their yards, work, pay taxes, and try to destroy heterosexual marriage by having a great life together.